Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
