shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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