left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
