Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
