a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
