we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
