I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
