i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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