dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
