I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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