dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
