sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize