is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
