Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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