i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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