I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
