So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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