I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
