Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
