I just pynch a tree in the face
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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