its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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