i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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