I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
