I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
