So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Randomize
