so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
