Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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