You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he puts the penis in happiness.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
