if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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