Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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