Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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