Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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