i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
