Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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