how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
