I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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