P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
