Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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