Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
