I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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