im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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