wat bout pragnant strippers??
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
