Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
