totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
