I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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