trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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