And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
