Soap is not a condiment
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
