bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
