call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
