The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
