I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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