What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
