life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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