i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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