Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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