Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
