I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
