I cannot find my penis.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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