We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
