Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
