i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
