i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
