Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
